Cakewalk
by Eladard Kikur
Summary: It's a 20turn survival mission where everyone goes off to rout the Daein soldiers with unlimited turns, leaving Soren and Ilyana to protect a cake Oscar made for 20 turns!


Trudging through the foggy forest, the Greil Mercenaries were on hot pursuit of Duke Tanas. It was one of those longwinded missions that the original Greil Mercenaries have done before, but everyone else had never experienced such a tedious task before. They decided to take a break because the Serenes Forest was too huge for them to traverse without rest.

"What'cha got there, Oscar?" asked Gatrie as he towered over the ever-squinting lad.

"I thought that since we'd rest up a bit, I could fix up something for all of us," he replied while stooping over a small fire.

"That smells really nice!" said Rolf.

Oscar places a pair of oven mitts on his hands and picked up a pan from the fire, holding it up for everyone to see.

"I've made turtle cake!" he said in a happy singsong voice.

Indeed, he was one of the best chefs in the camp and everyone just _loves_ his cooking!

"What is this, a bake-sale?" Boyd asked jokingly.

"Guys! Oscar baked us a wonderful cake!" Mist called to the other traveling units.

As more units came over, the effects of the nice warm cake was creating a cheerful atmosphere for them in an otherwise gloomy setting.

"Let's cut the cake and feast upon it!" said Ike. "Um… anyone have an unused knife I can borrow? My swords are kinda… yeah."

Sothe waltzed over casually and handed Ike the requested knife. Suspecting that something's amiss, Ike glanced over to examine the thief's face.

"Ok, where did you steal this from?" asked Ike.

"It's mine," replied the boy.

"I just can't help but sense that this isn't yours…"

He needn't anymore questions for Sothe because he heard angry footsteps through the dead branches and insults coming from a distance.

"Your goose is _so_ cooked, Sothe. Do you know that?"

"What are you talking about? That knife's mi—OH CRAP!" Sothe had barely escaped from a Fire tome with minimal injuries.

"Give me the knife back or I'm going to use Killer Flame again and get a critical hit," said a soft yet VERY ticked off feminine voice that belonged to Soren.

"You're in for it now," said Nephenee.

"Err… let's eat cake!" Sothe squeaked out. He was about to cut the cake when his clothes caught on fire!

"Looks like _someone's_ testy today!" Lethe winked at Soren.

"You would be too if that little stowaway walked off with your beorcguard," Soren replied without changing his tone.

"Oh, like that one time when you did just that? You went into battle wearing _my_ beorcguard and I suffered plenty of injuries because of that!" Lethe came closer to Soren's face and added, "Plus how can it work on _you_ if you're not a laguz?"

"I was merely experimenting with it and I must say that I'm clearly surprised that it greatly lessened my injuries although I'm not a full laguz. Also, the day I borrowed it—"

"More like _stole_ it…"

"—it was in Mordecai's possession. I believed it to have been his and asked to borrow it, which he complied to."

While the cat and sage continued to have their little discussion, trouble was a-brewin'! Tanas' men began to head towards them and they didn't get to eat the cake yet!

"We're in a mess right now!" hollered Mia. "The enemy is coming! We must fight them!"

"Ok, but what about Oscar's cake? We just can't leave it here or else it'll get taken over by ants or something. Taking it into battle's obviously foolish, so…" Ike paused to think for a moment before decided on a course of action. "Ilyana, I think it best for you to stay behind and protect the cake. We'll handle the enemies and once we're done, we'll come back and have cake. Is that understood, Ilyana, troops?"

Everyone but Soren nodded in agreement, with the latter frantically shaking his head with a look of pure hatred upon his pallid face.

"Soren, you look none too happy about this arrangement. What is it about the plan that you disagree with?" asked Ike.

"You're leaving Ilyana here because her strength and defense are a liability for the rest of us. I can agree on that. Instead of making her fight, you're asking her to guard a cake that Oscar has made, which I just cannot believe he actually did in the first place given the fact that we're in a _freaking_ burned-down forest, going after a _freaking_ politician who has a _freaking_ bird sub-human in his _freaking_ possession. Now if Ilyana was asked to guard a severely injured unit or another easy target, I would not have a problem with that. Instead, she's guarding a _cake_, for goddess' sake! _A cake!_ Go ahead and laugh at my hysteria all you want, but you've forgotten something about Ilyana that makes her a poor choice for this task."

"Ok, then. What, may I ask, is it?" asked Titania.

Soren turned around and caught Ilyana attempting to take a little frosting off the cake. He grabbed her by the cloak and answered, "_That_ is the problem. Once we leave her here and come back, the cake won't be here because she'll eat it." Soren let go of the cloak, causing Ilyana to drop to the ground, and said in an overly sweet voice, "Anymore questions, Greil Mercenaries?"

Everyone took in what he had just said and remained quiet. Finally, Brom spoke up.

"Well, perhaps you could stay here with Miss Ilyana to keep her company. That way the cake will be protected and you two would be best friends!"

Right there, the look upon the sage's face looked exactly like the Gonk emoticon from forums such as Gaia Online.

"You want me to **_WHAT?_**" he exclaimed with his voice breaking on the last syllable.

"That settles it, then. Ilyana and Soren, you two have the task of guarding the cake. We'll take care of Tanas' men. Oh, and don't be too harsh on Ilyana, Soren. Got it?" commanded Ike.

Ilyana nodded with an "mmm-hmm" while Soren scowled at the commander.

"Be right back," said Mordecai as the rest of the units took off.

As soon as the last of footsteps were heard, the androgynous sage released a furious scream.

"I guess he's scared to be out here…" the hungry mage muttered to herself.


End file.
